Written Confession

If I am to be a writer or a poet, I must always put on paper what I have become.

It may sound simple, but it is no easy task.

Hello.  First, let me thank you for stopping by.  Now where were we?  

I wrote the last post because I wanted to prove that we all have doubt.  Doubt in ourselves, doubt in God from time to time.  Hell, I have doubted God and myself most of my life. This doubt is similar to smoke, it will cloud your judgment of yourself, cloud your thoughts, cloud God’s purpose and His will for you.  

This smoke-filled doubt seems to be the absence of God.  Yet, God is still very much around.  He has just chosen to seem absent. But through the fog there is always a light and it burns within you, and it is God. You see he isn’t absent; those clouded thoughts are just the absence of faith.  I will now share with you why I believe this to be true.

Speak The Truth

My last post almost didn’t happen.  I was close to throwing in the towel when it came to writing again.  I almost put the pen down for good this time.  I was in a bad spot over the past week and a half.  It was all self-imposed from my obtrusive ego.  My head had swollen past the point of no return.  I wanted to quit writing out of pure defiance

Keep going.

The renewal date for this blog was coming up and I said to myself, just let it all go, just let it collapse like everything else in your life.  Sit back and “maybe” write the book and forget about the message while allowing mayhem to take the checkered flag from motivation.  My heart and soul were both vitally exhausted from moving constant in opposite directions of each other trying like hell to keep up with my mind.  

Don’t Doubt

And you know why? Because I doubted everything, and when I chose to do that I doubted Him.  I didn’t pray deeply for a business week worth of days, I didn’t get lost in the gardens of scripture for an extended duration.  I walked away towards the darkness of insolence from the path He had laid with the light of deliverance.  My soul had succumbed to the selfishness of pride.  

So come Monday morning, my day off, I awoke and I made it a point to speak loud and clear to the emptiness around me.  I spoke at length with Him about my dependence of Him, I begged for His mercy. And as I said before, when talking to myself, I have come to find that I am lot happier rather than listening to myself. 

So the day went it’s way and things were happy.  The kid and I played and created to his heart’s delight.  I was asked a million and one questions.  That plus one, was the best one yet.  “So Dad, did you know that God made me?” My soul stood silent and looked above and through the flesh, we winked and then I looked to him and all I could do was smile and reply, “Yes.”  

A creative mind is of a thriving kind.  All his idea. 

The following morning in the same empty room, I repeated my need for Him and His mercy, but this time I promised to start seeing the grace in all things as opposed to their shortcomings. The reason because spawned from my child’s question.  

Feeling Grace

This is something that we all do, instead of seeing the grace in something we look for the fault.  For instance, you have a child who has asked you the most mind-numbing but silly questions about farts and chickens all morning but then by the grace of God and who he really is, He reels you in to a place you have never been, a peace you’ve never felt.  That’s not just seeing, but feeling the grace of Him in all things.  

That night after the kid had gone to his mother’s house.  I was still going to quit, so I echoed my merciful dependence for Him, but this time I asked Him to give me the strength to see His will through, to allow me to see the grace of my surroundings.  I then picked up the bible and turned to Job.  Before I knew it the pen had found its way back into my hand. The words were written as follows the scripture.

He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds.  

Job 33 : 15

And again the words they spilled from my flooded soul.  

Where I call home.


Allow God To Move Through You

These shades of mountain they glow beneath Your crescent moon, these stars they sprinkle my sight with a grace that shimmers of You.  And here You are moving through me with Your capricious wind, showing me what I should do.  Winter is in full force, and Your skies have been so grey, but every evening the inversion burns off and there You are so bright and beautiful.  This darkness and its significant other, that our flesh calls faith, is something we should forever see the light in.  So in the darkness of my doubt, let’s give them something to talk about.

Sometimes I feel that I should quit writing altogether, as some sort of gesture poised defiant.  In any case, I hope to stop thinking so much, because it has become impossible for me to stop writing altogether.  There is no way I can stop now, these words they help to heal, and it is possible that it is not only me.  Perhaps I will I write until death, and maybe even longer. Maybe I’ll write while in purgatory, except that I hope You and I can arrange some miraculous last inning heroics over my sins, and we shall leave purgatory in its own dugout, while you and I celebrate beneath fountains of champagne.  

And it seems to me that writing is not an obstacle in front of spiritual perfection in my own life, but sometimes it seems to have become conditional on which my perfection depends. Such is the mind of a poet.  If I am to be a writer or a poet, I must always put on paper what I have become. It may sound simple, but it is no easy task.  

To be a good person, and to remain myself, and to write about it:  to put myself down on paper, and now upon the world wide web, in such a situation, with simplicity and integrity, masking nothing, confusing no issue: this is difficult, because I am at times mixed up with illusion and attachment.  These too must be written, but how?  Without exaggeration, repetition, and useless emphasis.  That’s how.  No need for howling through the ears of anyone but You, who will always see the depth of my foolishness.  To be frank without boring You, it is kind of a crucifixion.  It requires so much honesty that is beyond my nature.  So let it be said, it must come from You.

Amen. 

The results of God moving through us are more or less a transparent holiness through the lens of Him. Creativity is the very act of God moving through man.  By living, praying and writing in the light of God, I have lost myself entirely by becoming public domain via Him.  

If you take anything away from this post, let it be as follows.  

We are all lost the majority of our lives, most of us have evolved to ignore our purpose and have become akin to just existing.  I was one of those people and I almost was again.  But believe me, we are here for the purpose of making the world a better place, via love, faith, and most of all hope through God.  

Within each and every one of us is a place called Calvary and the mind within it, has the ability to be and believe in whatever it wants to.  But the resource of abundant life has masked itself as debt and suffering, when true wealth has forever been funded by faith in God. 

This is why creativity is the most important natural resource that God has ever given us.  

And then they were whole—welcome back soul. 

-BeLove    

 

The Task At Hand

And it is now that I see
the way You built for me.

A wise king winnows the wicked;

and drives the threshing wheel over them.

Proverbs 20 : 26

I will always walk

bound by the perpetuity

of two eternities—

one supposed the future

another once called the past

along this here eternal path.

 

Yet it is now that I see

the way You built for me.

Where my feet

they aim to meet

with an upright stride

as I walk away from yesterday’s pride.

 

It is true; it is You that I see

in the dawn of this coming light

and beneath Your glorious sight

it is my soul

You fill; for it feels so whole

as I bask within

this heavenly harmony.

 

So it is in this moment

in which I choose to spend

where I’ll leave it to the nick of time

should I find a hint of heaven

while I walk this endless line.

 

And never shall I ever

look at yesterday

nor upon tomorrow too,

But in this here with its now

or in the present,

I guess it leans upon

whichever way the moment went.

 

Yet instead of guess

allow me a promise to profess.

I now know You built this path

the one that spins with progress

like a wheel—I will turn it around

while I cover whatever ground

until it is me that I am certain I have found.

 

And it is this—that is all I can ask

within the mystery You gave my life

where so soon shall it all come to pass

as I look upon Your coming task.

BeLove © 2018


 

 

A Wisdom Whole

Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.

-Aristotle

Devoid of thought—I sit with ease in this creative room.  The fountain of my mind moves with the tranquility of a winter’s brook.  From the silence comes a light, followed by a prosperous thunder that shook the fountain loose, and a stream, it flowed through an open door.  Low and behold, behind that door sat a man with the silhouette of a wolf at his side.  He observed with content and about him was a homeliness that alleviated my senses, and the words that follow are the words I spoke.

The differences of conflicting forces in this world that surround us arise with an immediacy that is evident to the senses, and not just as an ample illusion.  But as men, we become too intent on analyzing these variations—divvying them up between good and evil, and that which is essential and detrimental.  It is true that the more we analyze these variations, the deeper they become immersed in illusion.

Man will then lose sight of the deep, underlying connection of these opposites within him because he becomes obsessed with the posturing of his separateness.   It is in reality that the distinction to be made is not between this unseen force, which is good and true, as against that force which is evil and false.

Rather it is the perception of our underlying wholeness that holds the key to the locked door that leads to the truth and the goodness of You, while attachment to the superficial separation of us leads to inaccurate and ethical errors.  So let us use this key and open that door.

“to God all things that are good are just and right, but men hold some things wrong and some right.”

-Heraclitus

And in the mystic of You underneath this splendid dusk, let us speak.

You see all things as good and right, not in their separateness by which they are so falsely contrast to all else, but in their inner harmony with these so-called opposites. In the end it is man that separates all that You have “united.”

This instinct that You have placed within me, it has allowed me to see through the smoke of materialistic multiplicity, which billows from the “Fire” of unity.  This “Fire” burns from the fuel of You burning within me.

This “Fire” has blazed its way through the landscape of the old me, clearing the way for the undergrowth of a new spiritual and dynamic principle within me within You.  Is this not the hidden meaning in my dream?  The foggy smoke always wrapping around my head, leaving me lost and afraid, while the wolf—he trails close behind?

The “Fire” of You, it is the comforting warmth I have always sought.  Yet, when I came so close I ran from it because all I could smell and see was smoke and all I could sense was my fear of the hungered beast, which in turn made You and the dream seem so illusory.  And I must apologize for that.  I now see it as true that instead of running from the fear within me, I had to turn inward to face the reality of the darkness within me, to find You.

I had to come to grips with all of the clumsy slip-ups I have made in this life, with my lack of self-control—I became to compartmentalized to communicate within my own self clearly.  Yet, I have learned that I shall run in the direction of my inward ways moving forward with full control.

The “Fire” I now see it everywhere I look, and within everything I see.  It burns with divine energy, a powerful manifestation of You within me.  And now I see the power of You move through all things.  Good, bad, happy, or mad, there You are, to remind me that I am on the right path, after all I am still breathing.

This “Fire” it burns different within all souls, with its different aromatics of love and faith, like varietal perfumes that blend with the beauty of You.  This is how You move through the infinite variety of beings, as they manifest You however You choose within them.  These words that follow from Your scripted garden are the words that You have chosen to move through me beneath this beautiful twilight.

When he balanced the foundations of the earth;  I was with him forming all things and was delighted every day, playing before him at all times;  Playing in the world and my delights were to be with the children of men.

Proverbs 8 : 29-31

You are not just the “Fire” or the combination of any of the other elements for that matter.  You are the energy that works through the world by showing itself, much like a child’s endless energy. Then you seek to hide in the “nature” of all things with Your wisdom.  This wisdom isn’t so much “at work” in nature, but is rather “in play” throughout the wilderness of us all.

“Time is a child playing draughts. The power of a King is a child’s”

-Heraclitus

This reference to a child playing the game of draughts is a metaphor for the flow of Your wisdom through us.  The understanding that Your cosmic wisdom is always in a constant state of becoming and change—like a child playing in this world—and this cosmic interplay of elements in its state of constant dynamic flux is the true expression of Divine Law. The hidden harmony with its unity—is what keeps everything in balance in the midst of conflict and movement.

True wisdom must grasp upon the very movement itself, and infiltrate the thought within this dynamic harmony of Your Love moving through us.  If wisdom is one thing—it is to know the thought by which all things are steered through all things through the love of You.  It is in these beautiful and lost scripted words of Yours below that these fragmentary thoughts of mine shall complete today’s puzzle.  Let us introduce you to the Book of Wisdom.

And all such things as are hid and not foreseen, I have learned:  for wisdom, which is the worker of all things, has taught me.

For in her is the spirit of understanding: holy, one, manifold, subtle, eloquent, active, undefiled, sure, sweet, loving that which is good, quick, which nothing hinders, beneficent.

Gentle, kind, steadfast, assured, secure, having all power, overseeing all things, and containing all spirits, intelligible, pure, and again subtle.

For wisdom is more active than all active things: and reaches everywhere by reason of her purity.

For she is a vapor of the power of God, and a certain pure emanation of the glory of the almighty God: and therefore no defiled thing cometh into her.

For she is the brightness of eternal light, and the unspotted mirror of God’s majesty, and the image of His goodness.

Wisdom 7 : 21-26

It is through these words that I feel the Presence of You moving through me like never before.  Wisdom—it is a metaphor that looms of woman, the nurturer of all knowledge, the Mother of all men, and the purity of all that is divine.  It is from the time Your seed is planted within the womb, and through childhood, through adolescence and now adulthood, the answer has always rested within the motherly Love that reigns in all women.

Your Presence, I feel it stronger than ever in this precise moment, as sure as these hands are shaking with vibration, they manage to merge with the redemption and divinity of Your wisdom.  I feel an attunement within me never felt before, and it feels whole.

At my side the wolf, he paces with patience, held by a leash tied to Heaven above—his whispered howl echoes through my entirety.  The moon it glows full, raindrops fall upon my soul, showing a path laden with spiritual goodness.  One that I have long aimed to ramble about.  This wilderness is about to get wild.

-BeLove


A Prayer Wild

The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the song of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.

John 3 : 8

High noon has long passed and I can feel the winds of twilight move through my soul.  I imagine it moves through me much the same as He moved through the first evening of creation.  The freedom of desolation that pours from my heart comes to find itself filled with His Spirit, and once again the Holy Ghost and I walk together beneath a setting sun leaving even Him smitten.

I stare in awe at the pastel lit sky and speak silent again.

As the darkness approaches, please allow me to bask in this higher light of you before I lose myself in this wilderness I call home.  I know that within You there is a light that I have yet to fathom, because there is no known knowledge of the light you truly exude upon a lost soul.  Yet what I feel seems so very real.

I understand that what you truly offer cannot be pinned down to any certain concept that I have complete knowledge of.  I do know that within the scripted garden of Your Word, I feel a peace within me I never knew existed, and for that I can’t acknowledge you enough.  It is also through the potency of prayer that I am starting to touch my dreams with my own two hands.

The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the song of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.

John 3 : 8

And as my hands cinch together with dovetail technique, I wish to truly encounter You as this darkness washes over the landscape of me.  In the simplicity of You, I see a light that isn’t bound by a medium in which channels us as one.

For there is no explanation of You, when the experience of You is all that I need to feel as You quietly testify Your love for me.  We are one; we have always been one, even though I didn’t see that until recently, and for that I hope You carry no hard feelings.

Yet it is in the union of Your light and my soul that I see a path start to clear; with You leading the way to the aforementioned Promised Land with the Spirit Of Christ in tow. The Son, Your only Son, that You suffered with grace through sacrifice—not just for You and I—but for all souls.

And for that I truly hope that all understand the truth in the meaning of sacrifice, because I don’t think that most have a firm grasp on what it means to truly sacrifice.  After all, everybody wants to go to Heaven to see You but nobody wants to die.  But let us speak on a deeper level of the Paradise that awaits further down this road.

It is in the simplicity of You, where all that is trivial in this life, becomes coherent in the uncharted waters of pure bliss.  It is in us that You have chosen to dwell and as for those of us who understand the simplicity of Your presence, let us forever imitate the Love of You. Whether that is via avenues of creativity or through the worship of your Gospel when testifying to You moving within us depends entirely upon which room you decide to carry us into.

But for those who don’t understand the depths of Your Love, please prepare them for the beast at bay, because you know as well as I do. Actually you know better than I do.  He is sitting back waiting to howl, scoping the battlegrounds, hunting down the hate—with none other than the presence of Your Love pouring into his heart.

And yes it is true, that in the sight of You, I know my purpose is trivial, but it is my purpose, You put it there, so as I have fallen so many times before, You have picked me up, and placed me where I needed to be.  I plead with You now to allow me the time, the inner peace, and the fashion to allow You to move through me in Your own way.  As I am awakening in You, and You in me, let us turn each other inside out, making this emptiness fill itself with the wisdom of Your vision and the purity of You—while giving them all a glimpse of Your cosmic dance.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29 : 11

Yet the fact does remain that You invite us to forget ourselves on purpose—to cast upon us a dreadful gravity that ascends upon Your wind and join You in the dance.  And now I see that it is our one true and upright purpose to continually seek You in all aspects of life.  And because of that I will forever testify in Your name.  And I thank you for showing me the light looming in this wilderness of me.  Amen.

Yours Truly,

BeLove