Creativity involves breaking out of established patterns in order to see things in a completely different way.
Creativity is a shape shifter. It is something that is not defined with pattern. It carries with it, its own mentality. One moment it takes upon itself this form, the next that. Creativity involves breaking out of established patterns in order to see things in a completely different way. It is this bedazzling spirit that appears to all of us, yet is hard to identify its existence because there is not one of us that can agree upon what we read or saw as far as ourselves or our eyes are concerned.
Are the wielding of colors upon canvas, just as similar as paint chips and wallpaper? Is this evident of its creative existence? What about a pen versus paper, a rosebush bordered along a garden path? Yes and yes. What about the cooking up of love’s revolution? Why the hell not? Is it touching with delicate love the petals of a rose, or pulling off the Big Sweat of the swelling summer, or tying upon your line a pale morning dun because the trout see them better in the morning sun? Yes, yes, and yes. What about finding ones voice, or rearing a child towards adulthood, or better yet helping raise a nation from its prayerful knees? Hell yes.
Creativity is the tending to love like the orchard it is, finding the words that see fit. And when the cosmic thread finds its fabric, you sew the creative life that has been so graciously given to you. All of the above belong to the creative river of life. Creativity is the celestial river beneath the churning river of life, which flows from in and out of our souls.
Some say the creative life is in the living of ideas, some say it’s by doing, I believe it rests in the simplicity of being you. It is the love of something, having so much love for something—whether it be a band, a collection of words, an image, an idea, let alone be it humanity, that touches us in a way nothing else can. All that can be done to satisfy this craving is to create. It is not a matter of wanting or needing to, it is not a singular act of will; one solely must.
The creative force flows over the spiritual terrain of our soul looking for the natural hollows, the channels that exist within us. We become basins of belief, tributaries of truth; we are the shallow pools, the serene ponds, and most important the sanctuaries of sanity. The wild creative force flows into whatever garden bed we build for it, those we are born gifted with and those we have to dig with our own bare hands. We don’t always have to fill them, but first we must build them.
In lore, there is an idea that if one prepares a special spiritual place, then the creative force, or source of the soul, will hear it, sense its way to it, and call it home. Whether this force is summoned by the prayer of biblical proportions, “go forward and prepare a place for the soul” or, as in the movie Field Of Dreams in which a farmer hears a voice urging him to build a baseball stadium in the middle of midwestern nowhere USA. “If you build it they will come,” is a way of saying to prepare a place for the longevity of the creative force. It induces the soul to take the imagination to places that life could only dream of.
Once the inner river finds the estuaries and branches in our soul, our creative life fills and empties, rises and falls just like the seasons of a wilderness river. These cycles or patterns are responsible for the different climates of spiritual survival. Certain patterns of paths are the ones we must walk to get through the arid desert of the mind. Things are created; thoughts are fed, then fall back and die away, all in their own right time, over and over again. Creating one thing at any certain point in the river feeds those who come to the river, feeds those far downstream, yet even others in the deepest pools of imagination.
Creating is not a solitary moment. This is the clarity of creativity. This is its power. Whatever is touched by it, whoever hears it, whomever tasted its ingredients with the perfect balance, they sense it, they see it, and they are fed by it. This is why beholding someone else’s creative words, imageS, or ideas fills us up, and inspires us to do our own creative work. A single creative deed has the budding potential to feed this starving world. One single creative act can cause a river’s torrent to carve through miles of stubborn stone.
I have always thought of the following song’s inspiration as being that of creativity, more so necessarily than that of female persuasion. See you all soon. Thanks for stopping by.
This bandage is something we call love and as He wraps it around our heart comes a feeling of love, like none have ever felt.
It is quite the arduous task to persevere with the constancy of a positive mindset as pain lurks in the shadows of eternity. There are countless external elements that fuel the eternal engine of thought with damaging matter. For the longest time I thought negative circumstance was just assumed to be a revolving door in this life and that all negative reaction but mere instinct of the mind. But now it seems that all suffering is good for at the end of a rainy day is to be drenched in its own doubt. I never believed that positive thought—even in the excruciations of pain—was something one could consider permanent.
Let me be the first to admit that I was wrong. My frame of mind has recently undergone this sort of revival. It was when I gave Him complete clearance to conduct this train I call life in whatever direction He has planned, was when the light of positivity began to shine wherever I looked. It was in this glimmer of shimmering humility, after a winter’s rain, when shone the sun within and as the clouded past is now behind me. The sunshine on my soul speaks with this clarity unlike anything I’ve ever felt and the words fell as follows.
Create The Day
“A jagged shadow of mountains sifts through the western sky spreading shades of day-glow orange, mixed in with the night and it’s lacking light. They do collide well enough to satisfy the backdrop of infinity. A river with its gilded slivers runs reflecting with amethyst hints as it breaks away from below my feet, branching off towards the darkened trusses of a burnt out bridge.”
A sensation washes over me from the gut of my soul. I am not in the depths of prayer. There is just something about this moment He either wants me to learn from or remember. Neither of these thoughts of mine are guaranteed to be true, but it was then that I didn’t feel any pain, but relief in the belief that the beauty waiting down His path will be unlike anything I’ve ever imagined.
Keep your face to the sun and you will never see shadows.
Something happens to a person when the imagination gets lost in a sunset. As one gazes with depth at the grandiosity of night and day colliding, the eye of the soul starts to open. The humbling beauty of God somehow manages to paint us with shades of humility as we come to understand how insignificant we really are. We begin to see the world in a new light, everything takes its proper shape, and even pain begins to find its comfort zone.
In order to contemplate the wide horizon of life, we must climb out of our self-centered ways and rise to a safer height of hope. One begins to understand, that the center of being isn’t within us, but it is in God, this is when everything starts to fall into the right place away from the endless ditches of pain.
Humility in its metaphysical meaning is the heroic conquest of selfhood and an ascent to the heights of spiritual soundness. Humility means to escape from one’s superficial self-image and from the asphyxiating atmosphere of one’s own limited self into the pure air of cosmic life. Far from being opposed to freedom, humility is an expression of freedom. Nothing or anyone in this world can force humility upon us—we can only arrive at it ourselves, through pain and suffering, and God.
The heart, sick with wounded love and left defenseless, bleeds from the countless arrows that pierce at it throughout life’s longevity. Only spiritual humility does well to defend us against the agonizing pain of the heart’s growth. Once pain truly humbles one, genuine growth begins and the heart begins to heal. Humility has always been aimed away from self-love and it is the arrow that impales the wound of pride, and from that pierced arrow blooms a softer kind of holistic healing with God applying the bandage. This bandage is something we call love and as He wraps it around our heart comes a feeling of love, like none have ever felt.
It’s a feeling of love, and not in the sense of self-love but this kind of love for everything, every outcome, and every circumstance that didn’t go your way. You must let it all go and leave it to Him sitting above the top of these stars to conspire over. It is then, that the positive side of pain is first recognized as freedom. It is unopposed freedom, freedom from inner conflict, freedom from an enslaved mind, but most of all its freedom from all of our pain and suffering. It is the radiant freedom of His unconditional love.
Love is a force, a radiation of beneficent, soul-giving energy, like the love most of us have for our children. It is the victory over all the false passions of love that provide the soul with the purest of power. It is through Christ that this power calls to us. The whole of moral goodness consists in acquiring this spiritual power through pain and prayer while conquering the darkness of natural life.
Christ endeavors us to overcome the external world and not submit to its ways. Humility is not a submission to it; on the contrary, it is a refusal to submit, and a movement along the edge of great resistance. And yet the empowering love of Christ and spiritual morality is exceptionally simple. Simplicity, indeed, is the humbled secret to living a life full of love, for complexity means division and weakness. To live a simple life, where love cascades from the sky like snowflakes fallen from heaven is easy and can be accomplished. You just have to accept the pain for the growth that it is, and be ever ready to shine for the happiness that waits with a brand new day. Now let us pray.
I understand that most of my life, at most times I move to fast for my own good—I have often felt like Asahel in the Book of Samuel. I often go running these days, to clear my head, and there have been days that I just wanted to run away from it all, from writing, from responsibility, from the truth of who I was meant to be, or even the truth of who I am. In the end, I have been running from the pain, and even in the pain felt in my legs, the goodness, I can feel it growing deep within me. I do, I believe in the light of You shining within me, and it is Your show now, I give You complete reign. I am more or less the protagonist and the antagonist all rolled into the main character who writes his story while searching for his grail.
Pain grows in the absence of joy, and joy cannot be grown without pain. It is imperative to let pain grow with God, until it is time for the wound to bloom. And this alone, is the positive side of pain. This darkness, this coming to Jesus moment, this is faith, and from this faith sprouts joy. And as the sun creeps back around, the path shines clear.
“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
2 Corinthians 4:17
In more ways than one I am just kidding. But it is a sad truth that my laptop may have taken its final rest. I had today’s post all neat and tidied up and then the frustration set in. And I have to admit that I was furious, angry, and a little distraught.
So I took a light jog through the neighborhood and when I got back home I calmed myself through prayer. I then proceeded to open my daily praise book and the words it spoke for January 18th are as follows.
I am leading you along the high road, but there are descents as well as ascents. In the distance you see snow covered peaks glistening in the brilliant sunlight. Your longing to reach those peaks is good, but you must not take shortcuts. Your assignment is to follow Me, allowing Me to direct your path. Let the heights beckon you onward, but stay close to Me.
Learn to trust Me when things go “wrong.” Disruptions to your routine highlight your dependence on Me. Trusting acceptance of trials brings blessings that far outweigh them all. Walk hand in hand with me through this day. I have lovingly planned every inch of the way. Trust does not falter when the path becomes rocky and steep. Breathe deep draughts of My Presence, and hold tightly my hand. Together we can do it.
“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
2 Corinthians 4:17
It is true when they say He moves in mysterious ways. On the bright side of things, I just learned how to post through the application on my phone. It’s the little things, is it not? Hopefully I will see you all tomorrow.
Delighting in God’s work leads us to delight in God, and delight in God drives away fear.
It’s been awhile since we’ve spoke beneath Your stars. I vaguely remember a few inebriated instances of pleas for forgiveness, but those moments aren’t much worth reminiscing over if I can’t very well remember them. I must confess the past month has been but a blistered blur on this path to freedom. One must plead forgiveness for his improper actions, but I think we are both working to clear that up on our respective ends. Well You and Your infinite nature probably don’t pay much worry to the same trivial ends as I, but either way I must thank you for seeing me through it all.
And even though I have been so very lost, the cycle of redemption shall soon come to bloom with the Spring of You. So allow me to be redeemed beneath Your infinite nature that sparkles above me as I speak with humility at Your mercy.
Banks Of The Deep End
I often feel as though I’ve reached that age at which I can sense the impulse of folly as it advances towards my thoughts. And instead of speaking with You when the direst of desire for some sort of external help reaches its boiling point within me, I, instead turned my drowning attention towards the depths of whatever bottle was around. And I now see that the gauze of booze does not help to heal the wounds of whatever it is one is suffering through, one would be none the wiser to go ahead and choose to hit the snooze on his wildest dreams.
And I feel as though these thoughts of mine that project sleepless patterns upon my night—the only thing I can do with them is stand on the edge of some eternal lake of fire within my mind and throw crumbs upon its surface and watch as the ideas come to feed like frenzied fish. But again I have come to find that by speaking with You before bed instead of my own madness, these waters upon my fiery lake settle smooth. So let us speak with the positive energy of Your delight for the remainder of this post.
You are the essence of the energy of my delight. Even through the darkest nights, when I would look for Your light, and I couldn’t find it, little did I know that I was the light. Maybe it was the darkness that couldn’t handle me. The external energy that I sought was not anywhere to be found except within me. This I now know.
Your Will has revealed every movement of my life, and I can either obey You or I can resist You, but I cannot know with clarity what I am doing without much grace. Therefore I pray to You, God, with every breath I take give me the grace to never refuse anything you ask, but to remain utterly lost in Your Will’s immense obscurity, doing not what my will wants for my own good, but giving myself to You which is really the only possible good, for myself and for all of humanity.
His Infinite Love
Nor do I want to demand that what I do should immediately show some sort of result that I can appreciate. Neither do I want to esteem anything that I do, or do anything because I think it will make something of me in this world—but to only do things for love and love alone. This is wherein the real obscurity hides, because the values loved by Your infinite love (the love so perfect that it is its own object) is absolutely incomprehensible to me. Therefore to live for love is to live in the delight of Your infinite energy.
I do not even need to know precisely what I am doing, except that I am glorifying the love of You. To act out of obedience to the rules within the community of cosmic love, which was built by Your grace in order to love You, is obviously why I must act for love and love alone. It is by following this rule that the world is saved.
And since I live for love, I will ask for no reward, only more love. Your love is infinite, as it scatters through the night sky above me and I reminisce upon a verse from Your Book.
“Seek Him who made the seven stars and Orion, who turns midnight into dawn and darkens day into night, who calls for the waters of the sea and pours them out over the face of the land—the light of the world is His name.”
It is true that when we seek You, we seek the Creator of all things. You are all powerful, controlling both day and night. And when within me, I was swimming in a sea of doubt; you tipped me over and from me that doubt spilled away.
So I thank you for drowning my doubt in the positive force of all that You delight. I believe that this may have been Your plan all along to see the truth of where I truly stand, but then again, I cannot try and fathom Your masterplan without letting my expectation get in the way so let us just attack today with Your energy at my side.
In closing, there is no delightful energy when conflict and argument arise within your own mind. All this inner-divergence amounts to is more resistance and turmoil in both the inlying and outlying environments of your very own life.
It is instead that we should practice prayer purposefully and in the silence of prayer one will find peace by listening to the silence of your mind. But some choose instead to argue with the madness that will often leave one bellied up with a bottle, only to ask the devil to soon step outside and handle this deviance like cursed men. And even if one wins the argument with his very own devil, there is still no peace, for arguments are never won—they are perpetual.
When all you want is peace and love, one must have faith in the obscure realm of God’s Will, this is where the energy from within glows with delight and its positive nature realigns the heart with the head and God’s love will fill up and pour from the depths of your soul. Delighting in God’s work leads us to delight in God, and delight in God drives away fear.
Creativity is a wild mind with a wandering eye that carries the torch of the soul.
What I want to do is to write well. This feeling goes back to my early eccentric sense of existence—sunk in the glassy gravities of life—fumbling around for thrilling desperations of wisdom and knowledge. I have long been keen and aware of painted veils, of God, of domes with stained glass tinting the white radiance of eternity, quivering in the intense delight of divinity and so on. I have carried quite the nutty charm of all things since I was boy frolicking through the fields of mind-expanding growth, just on the other side of the past underneath the Cosmos of my adolescence.
Why I Write
It was underneath the stars of a sweat-filled southern summer night, many moons ago that creativity first started to drip through my soul. The thoughts I thought were worth putting on paper. Now here we are twenty some odd years later, going through the same motions, on a much larger scale rather than just some dusty old notebook. Which by the way I still have. This is why I write, well to write well, and just as well, it does help to give me a sense of liberty in a time when liberty is limping on its last leg.
If a writer is so guarded that he never writes anything that cannot be criticized, he will never write anything that can be read. If you want to help other people you have got to make up your mind to write things that some men will condemn.
If you write for God you will reach many men and bring them joy. If you write for men—you may make a pretty penny, you may give someone a hint of joy, and you may make a bit of an uproar in the world, if only for a little while. If you write for yourself you can read what you yourself have written and after five agonizing minutes you may become so disgusted that you wish your creative side dead.
A Touch Of Creativity
Creativity has this marvelous touch that feels of flattery and laughs with liberty, all the while coalesced with subtle hints of courage. As of recently, my mind has come to find that it is only truly fed with joy, when thinking about and creating all things eternal and infinite. This is why I am satisfied to sit here thinking all day long about God, creativity, and the purity of love. And why I have decided to leave my own hell by the wayside of time.
The awakening of creative energy is inner liberation from pain and is accompanied by a sense of freedom. Creativity is the way of liberty. Creativity is a way out of your own hell. Liberty cannot result in inner emptiness—it is not merely liberty from something but it is also liberty for the sake of something. And this “for the sake of something” is creativity in its purest form.
Creativity is one of the highest forms of consciousness, and at the same time it spills from the fountain of eternal youth. Creativity is the youth of the soul and its power is bound up with the soul’s virginity.
A Gift From & For God
Creativity cannot be aimless and objectless. It is an ascent and therefore supposes loftiness, which means creativity rises from the world to God. It does not move along a flat surface in endless time but ascends with eternity. Every creative act of ours is in relation to other people—an act of love, of pity, of helping others to heal, of peacemaking. Not only does it have a future but also it is eternal.
The greatest secret of existence is the satisfaction that is not felt by those who make demands and sacrifices, but by those who give and make sacrifices in the realm of creativity. In those people alone the energy of delight and life does not fail, and this is the precise meaning of creativity.
This is where I failed recently, my cockiness got the best of my creativity and I almost flushed everything I had built down the toilet of doubt. I do consider myself lucky that after praying, God wouldn’t allow me to treat myself with such atrocities that spawned from the slavery of my own mind. I’m not sure why I felt the need to ruin it all, but I also haven’t the time to recollect it all. In short, it could be chalked up to an inner dividedness. I did abandon myself to my own devices instead of leaving things up to God.
Liberty Of Love
Creativity is meant to push forward, so let us move north towards positivity. The positive mystery of life is to be found in love, in sacrificing, giving, and creating love. All creativity is love and all love is creative. If you want to receive, then give. If you want to obtain satisfaction, do not seek validation, never think of it again and forget the word altogether. If you want your words to acquire the potency to make a difference in the world, manifest those words, and pass them on to others.
We are all skeptic with this idea that love is an emotion only felt between two people. But love is a universal energy, a catching force handed down from the grace of God’s gift to us all, that being creativity. To be grateful, to hope, to believe, to be forgiving and to have faith in the path that lay ahead, is to accept God’s love and carry it in your soul, whole-heartedly and creatively. This is the liberty of love in its purest form within life and the everlasting pursuit of happiness. And we see this in the following scripture.
“Am I not free to do what I please”
Are these not Christ’s words? It seems that they, too, contain the secret of all joy, because there is no joy without liberty and these words contain the truth that make us free to love unconditionally and creatively. To accept them for what they justly mean is to enter into the infinite liberty of God. To acknowledge these words is to love them and live by them. To truly accept them is to love One and to love all.
The Creative Spirit
Where the Spirit of God is, there is liberty. Where there is liberty, there is the Spirit of God and grace. Grace acts upon liberty and cannot act upon anything else. The enslaved mind cannot receive grace and grace will not affect it. The enslaved mind will recognize liberty but only for the sake of urging it into the obedience of manmade law, and not in any way staying obedient to the law of His cosmic dance.
Liberty, then, is a talent given to us by God and not by man. Liberty is an instrument of creativity to work with. It is the tool with which we build our own lives with His freedom, and our own happiness. Our true liberty is something that must never be sacrificed, for if we sacrifice it we renounce God himself. As much as I would like to attack the current state of society on certain things pertaining to liberal beliefs I have chosen not to succumb to that impulse because the message of this post speaks loud and clear.
It is only the false spontaneity of impulse, the pseudo liberty of sin that is to be sacrificed. Our true liberty must be defended with life itself for it is the most precious element in our being. It is through liberty that God created us, constituted in His divine image of creation.
We may say with certainty that creativity is life-in-itself, and so is love, as is the contemplation of God and the spiritual world. Creativity is a wild mind with a wandering eye that carries the torch of the soul.
In the end love laughs at all that is temporal through creativity, because pure love is the doorstep to eternity, and he who loves without condition is knocking on the door that leads to God and His eternal promise, and before anything can happen to him, God will have already drawn him over the sill to Heaven and closed the door behind him and he won’t bother to worry about the wilderness burning on the other side of himself because he knows nothing but love.
The use of our communicative skills is the hinge on which the door into our souls swings open to reveal our true spirit.
I would be lying if I didn’t say the past few days have been a struggle. This struggle has nothing to do with spiritual sobriety. It is in the feeling of writing where I have come to discover true struggle hiding in the shadows.
While I have you all here, allow me to introduce you to “writer’s block.” It has been awhile since I’ve had the pleasure of its company. While I am impressed with it’s stubborn efforts, please allow me to show “it” the door. It’s the one that leads away from this creative room I call my head. As the “block” walks on toward the inevitability of another day down this path, the fountain of encouraging words flows again.
Words are meant to encourage and edify, and as much as the first paragraph may not have encouraged you. It did encourage my flow of creativity. It is now my hope that the following words may encourage you.
Did you know that we speak about twenty thousand words a day? Words flow with ease from our mouths and carry quite the impact on those who surround us. But how much of that flow is fulfilling God’s sole purpose for edifying those to whom you are speaking? How many of your words reflect pride, rather than the motivated gospel of humility?
Power Of Words
Our words are powerful and our words matter. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). It is God Himself who has nourished our voice with strength and significance. He designed our communication skills with such power for one primary purpose. Do you know what that purpose is?
In a profound passage from Paul to the Ephesians, Paul provides an abundance of understanding about our words and their God-ordained goal—both what it is, and clearly what it is not.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as it fits the occasion, that may give grace to those that hear.”
Do you see how meticulously this knowledge applies to our words? Paul is saying plain as day that there is a certain kind of communication that’s never to come from our mouths, and another kind that should be in everything we say. That’s how far and wide the reach of this knowledge really is. Paul is employing a contrast here to teach us all—the prior Scripture is a “not that/but this” statement, which clearly shows us the kind of words God forbids as well as the kind of words He commands.
The words that God forbids are “corrupting talk.” Are you familiar with talk that corrupts? It is a daily temptation and it rests in the tendencies of us all. Corrupting words bring degeneration to a soul—they are words portrayed by fatality instead of words that that bring life to the conversation within a soul. In the passage from Paul, God has wisely forbid us from communicating with others in ways that are detrimental to them—words that degrade and defile someone.
Corrupting talk is a harmful form of communication; it refers to any talk that deters from growth in godliness. These tortorous words can and will hinder the cultivation of godly relationships and they have deadening effects on other souls. It is in the nature of such violent communication to penetrate and spread cancerous through another soul, and these words “grieve of the Holy Spirit.” Therefore no such talk shall be allowed in the house of God. There shall be no decaying words spoke of any kind, in any form, at any time, by anyone.
From the perspective of God, how many of your twenty thousand words each day carry the characteristics of corruption?
Words are intended to communicate with encouragement. Our words are to edify—they should “build up.” This goes for all forms of communication. In Paul’s speech we are definitely directed to communicate only those words that edify. What are edifying words?
They are not simply polite words. And they certainly aren’t words that just flatter, nor are they spoken in the superficial sense that is centered on the self-exalting of a man’s pride.
True edifying words are words that reveal character and a promise through the activity of God. They are words that are centered at the cross and they spill from the bottom of a heart. They are rooted in Scripture and they identify with good-natured dynamics and the presence of God.
Words must communicate the evidence of grace that you observe in others. They are words that flow from the humbled heart. Since we are commanded to communicate only through kind words that build another soul, we should see the blessing of positive communication as a right and not necessarily just a privilege. But what a privilege it is to be instructed so sweet.
Since Scripture enlightens us that God is at work in every soul that has been regenerated, we have the joy of bringing to the attention of every soul in this world how we perceive God to be at work in their lives, we are able to discern how God is active in their lives, and draw attention to that, then we celebrate it be delivering these words of hope to another soul.
Now we have touched another soul by building them up and edifying them. It is not only our privilege but also our responsibility to speak to others with words of encouragement and edification.
Words Of Purpose
In Paul’s message we are also instructed that communication always be purposeful, and that purpose is that it may give grace to those that hear. The biblical purpose is that in every interaction of communication you have, is that the person who hears you will receive grace.
We are all in need of grace. There’s no one that you know who doesn’t need more of it. And God has so composed society that when we are gathered amongst each other with casual conversation we should both deliver grace and receive grace with the exchange of edifying words that lift the spirits of all.
Corrupting words are the fruits of pride and they reveal pride, while words that edify are the fruits of the heart that have been regenerated by the gospel of Christ and evidence that a heart has been humbled by the gospel, and that the Hand of God is still nourishing the spirit of love.
When you examine your words and what you speak you discover your heart and soul. The use of our communicative skills is the hinge on which the door into our souls swings open to reveal our true spirit. Pride is something that is not easily cultivated in the garden of humbling communication.
I hope you all have a blessed holidays and practice using edifying words on those “relatives” that drive you to the brink of insanity, just remember that one of their many graceful attributes is quite simple, through thick and thin they are your family.
*I leave you all with what I’ve always considered my favorite “Christmas” song.
If I am to be a writer or a poet, I must always put on paper what I have become.
It may sound simple, but it is no easy task.
Hello. First, let me thank you for stopping by. Now where were we?
I wrote the last post because I wanted to prove that we all have doubt. Doubt in ourselves, doubt in God from time to time. Hell, I have doubted God and myself most of my life. This doubt is similar to smoke, it will cloud your judgment of yourself, cloud your thoughts, cloud God’s purpose and His will for you.
This smoke-filled doubt seems to be the absence of God. Yet, God is still very much around. He has just chosen to seem absent. But through the fog there is always a light and it burns within you, and it is God. You see he isn’t absent; those clouded thoughts are just the absence of faith. I will now share with you why I believe this to be true.
Speak The Truth
My last post almost didn’t happen. I was close to throwing in the towel when it came to writing again. I almost put the pen down for good this time. I was in a bad spot over the past week and a half. It was all self-imposed from my obtrusive ego. My head had swollen past the point of no return. I wanted to quit writing out of pure defiance
The renewal date for this blog was coming up and I said to myself, just let it all go, just let it collapse like everything else in your life. Sit back and “maybe” write the book and forget about the message while allowing mayhem to take the checkered flag from motivation. My heart and soul were both vitally exhausted from moving constant in opposite directions of each other trying like hell to keep up with my mind.
And you know why? Because I doubted everything, and when I chose to do that I doubted Him. I didn’t pray deeply for a business week worth of days, I didn’t get lost in the gardens of scripture for an extended duration. I walked away towards the darkness of insolence from the path He had laid with the light of deliverance. My soul had succumbed to the selfishness of pride.
So come Monday morning, my day off, I awoke and I made it a point to speak loud and clear to the emptiness around me. I spoke at length with Him about my dependence of Him, I begged for His mercy. And as I said before, when talking to myself, I have come to find that I am lot happier rather than listening to myself.
So the day went it’s way and things were happy. The kid and I played and created to his heart’s delight. I was asked a million and one questions. That plus one, was the best one yet. “So Dad, did you know that God made me?” My soul stood silent and looked above and through the flesh, we winked and then I looked to him and all I could do was smile and reply, “Yes.”
The following morning in the same empty room, I repeated my need for Him and His mercy, but this time I promised to start seeing the grace in all things as opposed to their shortcomings. The reason because spawned from my child’s question.
This is something that we all do, instead of seeing the grace in something we look for the fault. For instance, you have a child who has asked you the most mind-numbing but silly questions about farts and chickens all morning but then by the grace of God and who he really is, He reels you in to a place you have never been, a peace you’ve never felt. That’s not just seeing, but feeling the grace of Him in all things.
That night after the kid had gone to his mother’s house. I was still going to quit, so I echoed my merciful dependence for Him, but this time I asked Him to give me the strength to see His will through, to allow me to see the grace of my surroundings. I then picked up the bible and turned to Job. Before I knew it the pen had found its way back into my hand. The words were written as follows the scripture.
He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds.
Job 33 : 15
And again the words they spilled from my flooded soul.
Allow God To Move Through You
These shades of mountain they glow beneath Your crescent moon, these stars they sprinkle my sight with a grace that shimmers of You. And here You are moving through me with Your capricious wind, showing me what I should do. Winter is in full force, and Your skies have been so grey, but every evening the inversion burns off and there You are so bright and beautiful. This darkness and its significant other, that our flesh calls faith, is something we should forever see the light in. So in the darkness of my doubt, let’s give them something to talk about.
Sometimes I feel that I should quit writing altogether, as some sort of gesture poised defiant. In any case, I hope to stop thinking so much, because it has become impossible for me to stop writing altogether. There is no way I can stop now, these words they help to heal, and it is possible that it is not only me. Perhaps I will I write until death, and maybe even longer. Maybe I’ll write while in purgatory, except that I hope You and I can arrange some miraculous last inning heroics over my sins, and we shall leave purgatory in its own dugout, while you and I celebrate beneath fountains of champagne.
And it seems to me that writing is not an obstacle in front of spiritual perfection in my own life, but sometimes it seems to have become conditional on which my perfection depends. Such is the mind of a poet. If I am to be a writer or a poet, I must always put on paper what I have become. It may sound simple, but it is no easy task.
To be a good person, and to remain myself, and to write about it: to put myself down on paper, and now upon the world wide web, in such a situation, with simplicity and integrity, masking nothing, confusing no issue: this is difficult, because I am at times mixed up with illusion and attachment. These too must be written, but how? Without exaggeration, repetition, and useless emphasis. That’s how. No need for howling through the ears of anyone but You, who will always see the depth of my foolishness. To be frank without boring You, it is kind of a crucifixion. It requires so much honesty that is beyond my nature. So let it be said, it must come from You.
The results of God moving through us are more or less a transparent holiness through the lens of Him. Creativity is the very act of God moving through man. By living, praying and writing in the light of God, I have lost myself entirely by becoming public domain via Him.
If you take anything away from this post, let it be as follows.
We are all lost the majority of our lives, most of us have evolved to ignore our purpose and have become akin to just existing. I was one of those people and I almost was again. But believe me, we are here for the purpose of making the world a better place, via love, faith, and most of all hope through God.
Within each and every one of us is a place called Calvary and the mind within it, has the ability to be and believe in whatever it wants to. But the resource of abundant life has masked itself as debt and suffering, when true wealth has forever been funded by faith in God.
This is why creativity is the most important natural resource that God has ever given us.
The point of writing my name to you is that I see who you are, you see who I am…and that’s what it’s about.
Here is but a post that is two years overdue, call it an extended bio if you choose. And it is true, today marks the second anniversary of the beginning of this little creative outpost. The point of writing my name to you is that I see who you are, you see who I am…and that’s what it’s about.
My name is Ryan Love. I am 41 years young. My nickname is Buddy out west and Bubba back home, hence the Be. Home being the hidden, paradoxical beauty of Alabama. I now live just down a mountain pass from the majestic splendor of Lake Tahoe in beautiful Carson Valley, Nevada. I moved out West sixteen years ago today as well.
A loving and God-fearing family raised me. My mother, bless her soul, with her ability to harness all of our shit, mainly mine, still amazes me. Though my siblings are significantly younger, we have managed to stay close, even with the age difference and me being so far away from home.
I am a single dad to a four-year-old son walking away from a collapsed marriage that I had a strong hand in tearing down. Now I am finding my purpose through God. I am learning how to live alone with Him half the week, the other half I am trying to be the best father to him that I can be.
I was once considered an alcoholic—I for one may not have been, but then again that’s what I perceive from within. I was always one to skirt the idea of moderation, and that is in itself a glaring sign of alcoholism. As I stand today, without staggering, I have almost learned how to master my self-control, ‘tis but the season though, for loneliness to creep up on the right thing to do.
Nowadays I am a Chef in the casino industry, so temptation does flirt with me on a nightly basis, and it is quite the task shaking myself loose from it on those Friday nights when the adrenaline drip is more or less at a steady stream. But the beast within has found purpose and unity with God especially when he gets to push around this pen. And it is true that once I let the wolf in, he has become my greatest teacher.
I first realized that I had a knack for writing when I was in Journalism back in high school—many, many moons ago. I covered the sports beat for the high school paper because I was a bit of a jock and I could spell, which back in those days didn’t always go hand in hand. But then I started to dabble with illegal substances and my dream of making it to the big leagues of life and baseball fell apart. As much as I said no to drugs, they never listened. So let me be a lesson, don’t do drugs.
When not working, my hobbies include writing, reading, snowboarding, exploring God in the wilderness around me, photography, fly-fishing, and creating memories and art with my child.
I have questioned authority at every crossroad in my life. I have always said that I knew the rules but the rules did not know me. This sometimes breathes true even today. I have those who have egged me on, and of course myself. One could say my friends and I were nothing but a bunch of heathens, such is adolescence I guess. But we have a bond between us that will last a lifetime and maybe more. A bond that will never be broken.
I tried my hand at college, but much to no avail because I was too smart for school. Oh good ole fashioned hindsight. It’s worth the mention that I do not regret a damn thing, well maybe one or two things, but that’s neither here nor there. The memories that haven’t faded are still as precious to me as the moment they were created.
Then I fell head over heels in love with a girl. Sure I’d been through the ringer with cherry-popping puppy loves, but this one touched my soul. Next came the heartbreak and the words they rained like poetic tears from the depths of my being. These words were not very well situated in the lyrical sense, still debatable whether they are nowadays. Nonetheless, my soul had finally come to the center stage of me. Then it vanished for a long time, the beast, my ego came front and center, with no intent on feeding the soul.
In the midst of my efforts of dealing with heartbreak, higher learning, hallucinogenics, and a Pink Floyd obsession, I started writing in the sense of reality. I fell in love with the Beat Generation: Kerouac, Ginsberg, Cassady, and di Prima. They were all so transcendental and unique, with all of the philosophical and Zen undertones it was hard to not fall in love with them. Then I read “On The Road” by Kerouac and my soul fell sick with the travel bug. I traveled far and wide looking for a home away from home.
At this stage in my life I considered myself agnostic. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe, as much as I didn’t want to believe one way or another, sort of like taking the high road. And I really to this day do not know why. Sure I had a sturdy moral compass that would fall out of whack from time to time, but for some reason my ego thought intellect was more reasonable than God. More on this down the road.
Then came my second taste of spiritual awakening, or maybe it was a crisis, maybe both are one in the same. Who knows? It was in 2008. I took some classes at the local community college, and finally got around to reading “Heart Of Darkness” and I became consumed with the elements of good and evil within man. I couldn’t stop writing. My writing evolved at a rapid rate this time around. Something was opening up within me.
From here I turned to an infatuation with the Donner Party, so much so that I wrote a screenplay about it. The chaos, the demons of hunger, the capability of what man would do to survive blew my mind wide open. The events that surrounded that winter of 1847, made my mind move in directions it never had, what if we were living in Hell?
This is when I first felt a newfound purpose through my own doubt and God made sure that I felt Him as he started coursing through my veins.
As soon as my soul would bark back, the beast would only tighten his grip, choking the life out of my softness. Then I gave up my passion of writing because my head was swelling instead of moving in linear directions. The beast couldn’t handle it without the soul, and didn’t feel the need to collaborate. And I was still questioning God and his antics. From there I put down the pen and decided to focus on my career as a Chef, being a Chef feeds the ego.
Then came 2016, my child was two and a half. God had very much proved his existence through the eyes of my child. But I became sick at the hate that was dividing our blessed country in half. And yes I sort of blamed God. This is when I first felt a newfound purpose through my own doubt and God made sure that I felt Him as he started coursing through my veins.
I could no longer stand pat within the herds of ignorance and mediocrity. I felt that maybe my way with words could plant seeds that would bloom into hope and salvation, something that made love seem not so distraught and grow into something more beautiful than the world had ever seen. After all what a man sees in the world, he carries in his heart.
Then came a vessel out of nowhere that showed me the true light of God’s work. This vessel gave flight to a new me, and readjusted my system of beliefs. I felt a creative spark that I had never knew existed. Sure being a Chef came with avenues upon avenues of creative effort, from managing different personalities, to creating specials, to setting the standards for the simplicity of a kitchen’s flow. But something was different with this creative spark from writing, to photography; my soul had found its home within the walls of creative gusto.
I have come to find it humbling that the wilderness within the eighteen inches from my head to my heart is the purpose of my journey in life. And I am humbled that you all still listen. And I have learned that I am much happier talking to myself, rather than listening to myself. Try it. It works.
It is in the darkness of faith at the foot of the cross that the light will always flicker.
Now here I am still fighting my inner demons, trying my damndest to keep the beast on a leash, hoping to mind my head, and surrender my heart to the power of God’s Love, and just maybe the consistency of me watering my own seed through prayer and devotion will breathe consistent with my purpose while these words with their rooted message of hope, love, and faith for all mankind shall forever spring from the bottom of my heart. And now every day I awake by acknowledging my dependence for God above and my need for His mercy.
Recently I was saved at my family church back home, but I still have a long and winding path ahead. It is in the darkness of faith at the foot of the cross that the light will always flicker. And the reason why I feel this way is as follows.
Every time we look at the cross Christ seems to say, “I am here because of you, your sin, your curse, your debt, your death, I am here for you. Nothing in the universe cuts us down to size like the cross. We all have self-inflated views of ourselves, especially in the self-righteous state, until we have visited a place called Calvary. It is there at the foot of the cross, that we shrink to our true size.” If anything speaks the truth it starts with minding your head.
One more thing you may not have known about me. This band Widespread Panic, they are very much a part of me, I have traveled all corners of this land to see them, I have made friends of a lifetime through the most hospitable scene behind a traveling circus of music. And even though panic is the one thing that is widespread in this world, it is an honest tune with a lingering lead that has taken me this far, and will always leave me wondering.
This is a story of me. And who knows maybe you may come to find out a little about yourself as I find me.
Our purpose is not to simply be, but to work together in the collective sense with God in the creation of our own life, our own identity, our own destiny.
A tree gives grandeur to God by existing as a tree. It is by being just a tree that it is observing Him. It consents to His creative love. This tree, it is an expression of an idea which is in God and which is not distinct from the essence of God. It is by expressing itself as a tree that it imitates God.
The more a tree is like itself, the more it is like Him. If it tried to be something else that it was never intended to be, it would be less like God, and therefore it would give Him less majesty.
There are no two created beings that carry exact likeness. Individuality should not be considered imperfection. On the contrary, the perfection of each created thing is not merely an adaptive style to its abstract type but in its own individual identity with itself. This particular tree will give glory to God by spreading its roots far and wide, it will raise its limbs into the air and it will seek the light of life in a way that no other tree before it or after it will ever do.
Each particular being, in its individuality, in its distinct nature and being, with all its own features and reserved abilities and its own sacrosanct identity, gives grandeur to God by being precisely what He wants it to be here and now, in the circumstances designed by His Love and His endless Art.
The formulae and certain charismas of all living and cultivating things, of inanimate beings, of beasts and blossoms—in reality all nature—constitute their holiness in the vision of God. Their inward landscape is purity in its simplest form. It is the blueprint of His wisdom and His existence in them.
The unique awkward beauty of this Shetland pony, floundering in the snow saturated dirt on this chilly last day of November under these swelling clouds is a holiness blessed by God to His own creative wisdom and the glory of His nature at work, it alone asserts the glory of God.
These yellowed pale wildflowers along the side of this path that I am walking as we speak, the ones that most hardly ever notice, they are saints in their own simple way, grasping for the grandeur of God.
This leaf in my hand has its own roughness and its own ascending fractal pattern of veins, which characterizes its own holy nature, the brook trout hiding in the depths of this river are canonized by their specific speckled beauty and their strength.
This great, wounded, half-naked mountain that looms ahead of me is one of God’s most majestic works of art. There is no one thing like her. She is her own character—nothing else in the world ever did or ever will imitate God in the same way. That is her sanctity.
What about you? What about me?
Unlike the animals, the trees, and all of these inanimate beings, it is not enough for us to be what our nature intends. It is not enough for us to be individuals. For us unfortunately, holiness means more than humanity. If we are never anything but people, we will not be able to offer to God the worship of our imitation, which is sanctity.
It is considered a truth to say that for me sanctity consists in being myself and for you sanctity consists in being your self and that, in the last consideration, your sanctity will never be mine and mine will never be yours, except in the collectivism of charity and grace.
For me to be me means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self. And I must be honest, the more I place my eyes upon His scripted garden, the more I pray, I am coming to discover who I was meant to be. But it is true that I still must walk this path, and it is also correct that this path is a lifelong journey, but I take pleasure in the beauty that I see and the beauty of His will that awaits me.
Trees and animals do not latch on to the same problems as we do. God makes them what they are without consulting them and they live in the perfection of satisfaction.
With us it is entirely different. God leaves us to be whatever we like. We can be ourselves or not, as we please. We are at liberty to be real, or to be unreal. We may be true, we may be false, and that choice is ours.
Throughout life we may wear many different masks, if we so desire, and never emerge from our own true identity. But this is a choice that must not be made with impunity. Causes carry effects, and if we lie to ourselves and to others, then we cannot expect to find the truth and its reality whenever we happen to want them. If one chooses the way of falsity one must not come to be surprised when the truth eludes them when they come to need it.
Our purpose is not to simply be, but to work together in the collective sense with God in the creation of our own life, our own identity, our own destiny. We are beings built from the freedom God so graciously gave us. By this I mean to say that we should not passively exist, but actively possess the awareness to participate in His creative freedom, in our own lives, and in the lives of others, by choosing the truth.
To say it even better, we are called to share with God the work of creating the truth of our existence in our true identity. We often evade this responsibility by toying with masks, and this does please us because it appears at times to be a free and creative way of expressing life. It is quite easy and it will seem to please everyone. But in the long run, it may carry a cost and sorrow may saturate in the depths your soul.
We must work out our own identity in God, in which the Bible says as follows:
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling.
Philippians 2 : 12
To find our own identity is a laborious task that requires sacrifice and anguish, risks and many tears. It demands close attention to reality at every moment, and great fidelity to God as He reveals Himself via obscurity, in the secrecy of each new situation.
There is no clear-cut path that lies ahead of me and it is not known beforehand what the result of this work may be. The secret of my whole identity is hidden in You alone. You will make me who I am, or rather who I will be when at last I fully begin to walk in Your presence.
But unless I desire my identity and work hard to find it with You, the work will never be done. The way I must do it is a secret I can learn from no one else but You. There is no shortcut to this secret without faith in You. But I now know that prayer is a precious gift that is never fleeting, and it alone has begun to enable me to see and begin to understand the work that You want done.
The seeds that this tree has planted in my liberty at every moment, by Your will, are the seeds of my identity, my reality, my happiness, and most important my sanctity.
To refuse them is to refuse everything; it is the refusal of my existence, of my own identity, of my very own self. So I will not refuse them, instead I shall water them with Your will.