It was that sort of prying moment in the chronicles of the human consciousness when the mind universally awakens. It was when democracy initiated an era of chaos and ideological confusion—I felt the principal phenomenon of a spiritual awakening.
How are things going up there? Pretty blissful one would bet? I imagine bliss knows not a thing about being boring, but then again what do I know? You know those first two sentences were the first I wrote back in the beginning of this journey, way back in the Barstool Buddha days. Seems like forever ago, does it not? It is of no use to discuss those sentences much yet—they are mainly placed there for sentimental value—and to give an example of the direction I was, and may still be headed.
I must admit that when I first started exposing these ink-stained thoughts of mine again, I was apprehensive of You. I felt that You were responsible for the cosmic collapse that I perceived to be crumbling upon the halls of humanity. In my foolish behavior, I questioned your existence, or maybe I was questioning mine? I wanted answers that weren’t being seen or heard. I wanted the answers I couldn’t find. These thoughts of mine, they like to play with fire, but in all reality do You not fuel them?
And as per the usual, it is human nature to seek proof, and I did. I started seeking You everywhere I turned, in everything I read, even the stars I gazed upon. I read into those who had found You, then lost You, and I studied religiously those that never believed in You, only to find You. But most importantly I started reading the Book of You again.
“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the lord out of a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:22
My mind was in one of those swelling states. I felt like my life was infinitely lacking something of purity. My heart would pound while eagerness tore away at my sense of comfort. Though the sentience of my soul wouldn’t allow my ego-fed demise to a partisan vote. The soul when it senses it’s being it becomes but this instrument of Your infinite power. And there were times when I wasn’t sure if I was being used as an example of human error or if I was just a shadow hiding behind the light of what’s to come. And I speak true when I say that I still sometimes feel that way. Though I no longer have any sense in worrying when writing.
Something happened one evening after I prayed for a consistent path full of purpose. Overnight my conscious went from putrid to pure without needing much proof. Everything I saw that following morning had a peculiar and illuminated glow to it. Then came Your definitive proof as You sent the perfect weapon to reel me in.
I cannot recall for the life of me, which came first, the attraction to You I felt so drawn to, or if it was after paying more attention to the timing of things when I felt You starting to surround me. Either way I had long been damaged in sensibility and that is when came a refined perception with such suddenness—that in the blink of an eye—You were the boundless influence in my life. That morning took on the metaphysical shape of the day that changed everything. That was the day my conscious awakened.
Consciousness is the surface of our inmost nature that comes into contact with You. It is receptive to Your message and it hears Your voice. The conscious may well be repressed, hidden and depraved in some of us, but it is has its roots in the essence of us, with our divine image and Your likeness within us. In our existence of sin, conscious is merely the memory of You, Your Son, and the divine life.
It was quite the tough pill for me to swallow. The one how You teach us goodness and truth by confronting us with evil and fallacy. But the way You teach us is not with the evil or the lie, but by the grace You give our conscious at the crossroads to make the right choice and turning that choice into Your hidden truth.
“Be not overcome by evil, but overcome evil by good.”
I am amazed at Your ability to write straight with crooked lines. And after much consideration, I have come to see that all of these conflicts within me are just artificial creations crafted in my own mind. It is my conscious that now speaks with the clarity that You have placed me on the proper path. One I must walk without fear. I know You will lead me. You will break my dumb will so that I may give myself entirely to You. I have no illusion of being able to do so by virtue of my free will. Your spirit must do the work in me or it will never be done at all. And I pray that You will arm my will against itself and move it to work and remove my own obstructions.
My only desire is to give myself to the infinite love who is You. You who demand to transform me into my true self, lit by Your light within me, and with the way of simplicity that doesn’t carry any drama. Which is infinitely beyond everything spectacular and astonishing. And so shall be my significance, shielded by Your power. You, the Holy Ghost, who is Love living in me, are the One who brought this about while preparing me for far more surprising things that lay ahead of tomorrow, but only if I will let You act without my own hesitation.
Consciousness is the organ of perception of spiritual revelation, of goodness, righteousness and the honest to God truth in His entirety. It is not just some intermittent function put on by human nature. It is the wholeness of our spiritual being at the metaphysical cross (center) within our very own heart. Consciousness is the mountain spring that feeds the river—flowing golden with the right thing to do. The conscious will also act with apprehension upon God, and that is not something one wants to do. Besides is it not “plain as hell” that we have already discussed it.
God acts upon our conscious and rouses our memories with the heights of heaven and its celestial environment. Consciousness is the clarity of who we really are. It shows us which world we ideally belong to, that being His, and it points us towards the purpose for which we have been created. The confusion of the conscious is nothing but a smokescreen that deviates from our spiritual being. One which we create with our own know-how and has its influence in the bourgeois and an omnipotent organization I would rather not discuss.
Our conscious alone is proof that we haven’t fallen fully away from God but that we have a preserved connection with the Divine world. Repentance and redemption are only possible because our consciousness is not past the point of broken. And when it’s all said and done, consciousness in the awakening of Christ in the light of our soul. It is the meeting point of freedom and grace, and if allowed to speak in the metaphysical sense, the awakened conscious is the light that shines upon the land of milk and honey—keeping our lamps forever trimmed and forever burning.
My roots are buried in the Dirty South. I grew up learning the importance of God and Southern Charm. I began writing in my late teens mostly through heartbreak and music. I moved out west 15 years ago and live right around the corner from the Fountain Of Youth. Most people refer to it as Lake Tahoe. I play Chef during the day and search for ways to save the world by night, through reading, writing, and believing. I enjoy the side of life that is less abrasive. I look forward to joining you on my quest through Spiritual Sobriety with the Promised Land as our ultimate destination.