A newfound knowledge has opened these windows of my mind. Meanwhile drafts of wisdom flow through them like an autumn wind—fragments of the old me sneak through the same window—seeking freedom from self-inflicted suffering.
My eyes gaze upon the infinite splendor of a midnight western sky and I bow my head, speaking hushed.
How is a man supposed to make sense out of his existence when doubt runs rampant all around him? How can he find authentic meaning by simply embracing a certain criteria of explanation—which professes to show him the ways and means of this world?
Perhaps, this is why in my self-contained state that I search these woods within me, like an eternal explorer. Seeking what I can’t find until the end of my time. And if you wouldn’t mind, let us take a little bit of time to get through this wilderness of mine?
I feel that I should further venture towards the shadier side of this wilderness—my soul—where the wolf waits, howling with the moon. And it is true that “herded” men fear and industriously avoid the shadows of their own darkness.
But I am confident that with the presence of You within, that the “I” of me will find some harmony in the fragments of my being. And it is with You at my side, that I am no ordinary man, for that alone, I do not fear the darkness in me.
It is true the worst thing a man can do when divvied up into a couple of different compartments is to seal off certain compartments from one another. If it is felt that one is more essential than the other, then one will practice with mental prowess in trying to keep the hidden beast at bay. This is what happens when deep reflection pushes itself in the direction of an unwise and distracted man. To contemplate when divvied up refracts instead of reflects.
The first thing that must be done before falling into a contemplative state is to coerce your natural unity back into totality. It is of the utmost importance to reintegrate the compartments of your fragmented being into another kind of alliance altogether. This is when we allow our dual nature the chance at feeling the manifested presence of God within us. Then and only then is our being wholly aligned with that of the Spirit.
The presence of God in His world as its Creator depends on no one but Him. His presence as “I” perceive—is in the strength that I carry to harness my own beast within. Therefore these fragments of me and “I” can find harmonious balance in His grace.
There isn’t a thing we can do to change the enigma of our existence, except live in the harmony of happiness and feel the presence of God within ourselves daily. We are able to decide whether we ourselves, and the portion of the world, which is ours, shall become aware of His presence, thrive in it, become consecrated by it, and reshaped by its light.
In life we have the choice of two identities: the external mask which at times seems to be real and which lives in an autonomous shadow for a brief moment of experience. But it is the hidden, inner being, which seems to us to be nothing. But it’s that being that gives himself eternally to the truth in whom he subsists. It is this inner self that is taken up into the mystery Of Christ, by His love, by the Holy Spirit, so that in secret we live “in Christ.”
There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Ephesians 4 : 4-6
As I come to below Your night sky, I do feel that you have called upon me to help understand that explanation of You isn’t always sufficed—yet it is through the experience of You—where these lessons really move. And it is nice to that we have started to claw at the surface of “I”, but we both know that we have a long way to go.
And the wolf—this beast in me—I now understand, is just one of the many ways you’ve chosen to speak through the fragments of me. But for now I must catch a plane back to my roots. Yes there are some things that were buried long ago that You and I must dig up, so the seed will come full circle, and this relationship we are building will finally take its root. Talk to you soon, Big Guy.