When the shifts of life and the transition that follows shake you to your core, it is vital to see that these are nothing rather than signs of the greatness that are about to transpire. For without darkness there cannot be a light.
They say that when life becomes shaky, and more or less out of control, that it is indeed a sign of a significant rebirth. The precipice of a big transformation is on the horizon, one leaving us happier, more confident in our surroundings, more capable of taking on the world. But it must be remembered that one must settle down and think about life with a tranquil heart. And just maybe that will ease the earthquakes in your mind, only to give way to hope and harmony.
Certain things are meant to collapse, like the castle of my conscious did as of late. This is so that something sturdier is built beautiful, more worthy. So instead of hurry, let us not worry because what was written in the stars, behind the moon, shall come soon. And life will no longer be so damned blurry.
One must go to work on the depths of his own self, excavating all that he thought was built to last from within. When the foundation crumbles due to the misalignment of his own thought process he must regroup and think in terms of strengthening his core. Then he must begin to repair himself and replenish his soul through prayer and practice. This is what needs to be done to fortify his foundation so that he may continue to walk the path upright and sturdy for the rest of his life.
The past two weeks—have been by far the toughest on my head and my heart—in this crumb we call life. I have moved my existence from all it has known for the past ten years. I have pushed people away that I love and care about deeply. I have even lost an accomplice that I thought was going to help solidify the foundation of what I am still going to build at my job, with or without his help. Over the past few weeks I have often felt like a malevolent dart of distraction was being thrown at the bull’s eye of distress painted upon my back, in a week where everything that could’ve gone wrong, it did. Poor me right? Nope, Wrong. For a guy that seemed to have it all figured out, this past week proved that even the strongest mindset could give way to the weakest and most distracted recreations of pessimism.
And in all of this, I got sidetracked, I lost my sense of direction and now I feel as though that I have alienated myself from those I know so well. I have been lost and every little morsel of negative energy just threw more pressure upon my shoulders. It is the most pressure I have ever felt in my life. I came so close to cracking, like an egg. So close to snapping, like a twig, but I didn’t completely. There’s got to be something said for that.
I did fall to my knees and weep like a child for the first time, in eighteen some odd years, and it is amazing how much sharper life looked in my reflection after that moment. I know a man isn’t supposed to cry, but who am I to stop it? In these times of duress, a man may turn to the bottle, and while I did this past weekend after sleep had escaped me for most of it, I no longer need it for this path, it does no good to try and drown your demons because they don’t really drown, instead they just bubble up on to the surface. I must mention that I needed to exorcise some demons to get to the bottom of me. But hindsight is only 20/20 right?
It is true that in unsettled times, the mind may hallucinate and proceed to react with negative solutions as its main goal. This is the ego taking over the weakness of an exhausted mind. But as my life is settling down, coming back from being lost in a sort of transition, I find that routine is situating itself right where I need it to be and this routine alone allows clarity its hand and together they conspire to build me back to where I am to be with this soul of mine leading the way.
When the castle of man’s conscious begins to corrode, he mustn’t try and reconstruct it with the chaos that surrounds him. He must rebuild it with compassion, so that he looks beyond his own pain, and sees the pain in others. It is when we have been through our own hell, that if we are capable to walk away from the flames standing upright. Held in our hands should be pails of water meant to extinguish those still consumed by the fire of wickedness.
It is a shame that my intentions found themselves astray, but I have found them right where I left them, way out in la la land. Lucky for me they are still the same as they ever were. The thing about intention is that it is more than just wishful thinking—it’s willful direction. It’s the philosophy of your heart put into practice, a constancy of conscious patterns of thought, energy, and action. Through intention we see more and create with more clarity, passion, and authenticity. Our attention then becomes a spotlight for every single shred of supporting evidence that we are on the right path that leads to the Promised Land.
I now understand that this is all part of some master plan. It’s the only way that I can truly feel the grace of Heaven’s accord—by rising up from the flames of my own hell. It is true, that in my own hell, I lost sight of who I was; I knew not the direction in which I was supposed to go.
I was too anxious to be abandoned, but abandoning my own self was where this road paved golden was meant to lead all along until it was time to get to where I belong. I knew that and I lost sight of that. But more important than any of the prior, I lost the idea of love and the purity in its definition.
For a man whose namesake is written with the very definition of Love’s said idea, that is a tough pill to swallow. But I swallowed it and now the road leads to Redemption. For a man that talks so much about love and light, he sure did fall when things didn’t go right. I think this all was a test, so that I do indeed learn to give this my best. To understand that the supreme gift is the love of God, that lives inside us, sometimes buried, sometimes bounded away, wide open towards the wilderness, butt naked screaming the Gospel, but most times it is found in the tranquility of your own solitude. Sometimes you have got to come a little loose to find yourself grounded again. After all is better to conquer yourself than to win every outlying battle. It is then that the victory only belongs to you and for that no one can take away.
In parting I leave you with Paul’s letter to the Corinthians.
If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
Love never ends, as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is Love.
We will talk more on this and the Law of Love in the next post.
May your days be filled with love.
BeLove © 2018